Day At The Beach Proves Not Every Body Is Created Equal

Is it still summer?

The last time I looked up, it was Memorial Day. Now it’s almost August.

Winter runs on dental-chair time. Summer travels at the speed of vacation.

I have been going to the beach more, after not having been for a while. The beach is no longer your mother’s beach.

Everyone on the beach seems to have a tattoo. Some of the tattoos start where the sun does shine and disappear into the void where the sun don’t shine.

This made me wonder:

How does the tattooist get into the chasm?

How does the tattooist get out of the chasm? Is this a hard-hat area?

Bodies at the beach have changed. Bodies at the beach fall into two general categories:

Bodies that are bathing in the sun.

Bodies that are basking in the sun.

Bodies that are basking in the sun that take up more sun.

There are also many more abs at the beach. There are six-pack abs, two-pack abs and keg abs. People with keg abs also tend to take up more sun.

While bodies have grown, beach attire has not kept up.

Many are dressed in next to nothing. Beach attire is proof that next to nothing is not created equal.

On some, the more next to nothing one wears, the better it looks.

On most, the more next to nothing one wears, the longer one should stay in the water.

Speaking of which:

You notice a lot of people standing in the water but very few swimming off by themselves. This is the “Jaws” affect.

People who have seen the movie “Jaws” don’t see themselves as swimmers. They see themselves as hors d’oeuvres.

Another popular pastime at the beach is slathering.

Slathering protects one from the sun’s harmful rays. So does shade, but no one seems to have gotten that memo.

Kids are slathered so much that they look like sticks of chalk with hair.

Older people are also big on slathering. This is because when they were kids and went to the beach, they didn’t look like sticks of chalk with hair.

As a group, teenagers are not big on slathering. They say slathering makes it hard to get a really awesome tan. To them, life’s a beach, and then you fry.

Read Jim Shea’s blog at http://www.courant.com/tooshea.



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