Life & Style: Summer decorating ideas

 

IM Blog Archive

 

By Leslie Linsley

Contributing Writer

 

(April 13, 2015)

I put this in the category of dreaming of summer. I know. I’m
rushing the season. But this is such a beautiful oasis in one of my
favorite Key West homes that I have to share. And while the palm
trees aren’t found on Nantucket, this casual porch scene could be
anywhere.

 

Bamboo furniture is hot again. I’m not sure if it ever went out of
style but it’s sturdy and light, carefree maintenance and good-looking. It can be left outdoors and if you cover the cushions with
Sunbrella or another weather-resistant fabric it’s pretty durable for
our weather.

 

The thing I like are the playful retro accessories. The homeowner
collects early sand pails with delightful illustrations on them. She
buys them on eBay. The old-time radio is another artifact from the
past, retrofitted to work.. Even the lamp made of bamboo spokes was
an eBay find. I love a table lamp in an outdoor room. It turns it into
a real living-room feeling.

 

The turquoise fabric and the white orchid add an element of elegance.
This little vignette would be simple to duplicate on your Nantucket
deck sans palm trees. Big pots of ferns or grassy plants around the
perimeter could be just as effective. Or even pots of white hydrangea
bushes.

 

Another interesting material for summer furniture is sea grass. It’s
sturdy and good-looking. We don’t usually see this on Nantucket.

 

Much of the interior decorating in Key West is downright creative.
It has personality. There are not too many rules and lots of individuality. The
only consistent object that’s ubiquitous is the orchid. It’s kind
of like our hydrangea. If you don’t see the orchid (or hydrangeas)
on the table – well, the décor falls flat. I know it’s a cliché.
I get it. But I’m a victim like everyone else. When in Key West I
have orchids. If it’s June on Nantucket its gotta be a vase filled
with roses and if it’s August, OMG if you don’t have a few fat
blue blossoms in a clear glass vase. It just plain works! No sense
protesting against a sure thing. This year I’m going to get daring
and favor all white hydrangeas.

 

 

But you have to admit, this all-natural room has character. While
it’s in Key West a lot of the details translate to a Nantucket
home. Those carved wooden shell valances alone. You could make this
by painting a plain wood valance white and then covering it with
shells so they overlap each other. Use a glue gun to secure them.
What fun! I think I might try this in my powder room which I plan to
paint black. I’ve been planning to paint this room for ages. Last
year I had decided on Mole’s Breath, a gray color from Farrow
Ball. The year before it was celadon green. In the fall I thought
about sailcloth. After a winter in Key West I thought coral would be
good. But a friend of mine painted her bathroom black with pure white
glossy trim. It is so sensational! That is what I am going to do as
soon as I stop procrastinating.

 

I got a great e-mail from someone names “Jack”. He wants to know two
things: 1. What kind of iron do I use? and 2. How do you fold fitted
sheets? Any suggestions?

 

For up-to-the-minute information on Nantucket’s breaking news, boat and plane cancellations, weather alerts, sports and entertainment news, deals and promotions at island businesses and more, Sign up for Inquirer and Mirror text alerts. Click Here.

‘Khloe & Lamar’ Returning to E! for Another Season?

khloe-and-lamar_0

*A source for Life Style magazine is claiming that Khloe Kardashian and her estranged husband Lamar Odom may be planning another season of their E! spinoff series “Khloe Lamar.”

The insider said that both Odom and Kardashian have decided to put their “issues aside for money.”

The show “that once centered around their lives as newlyweds, has reportedly gotten the green light for another season and will begin filming by the end of the month,” Life Style reports.

Adding fuel to the rumor, Khloe just Instagrammed a picture of her hands displaying a blinding array of bling…and her tattoo of Odom’s initials at the base of her thumb.


Related Posts

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we cover our favorite tabloids in Post-Its and highlighter ink and never ever confuse Life Style with People because honestly they are so different that I don’t even know where to begin. This week: Kanye dumped Kim AGAIN, Scott seduced Kendall, Kate Middleton is fourfiveseconds from dilatin’, and Jennifer Aniston is more pregnant than you could possibly believe.

Take a deep breath of American Oxygen, because here we go.


OK!

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

KENDALL: HOW SCOTT SEDUCED ME!

31-year-old Scott Disick is seducing 19-year-old Kendall Jenner! Like most shocking affairs, this one started in Europe. A source says that while there, “he was looking for a good time, and Kendall was there to accommodate…She encouraged him to let loose and have fun.” Because we all know how much trouble Scott has letting loose. While Scott and Kendall continue their “boundary-crossing” friendship, Kourtney raises their two kids, but she “might actually prefer it that he’s not around.” Who cares if he “looks on approvingly” while her sister takes sexy Instagrams? Kourtney has diapers to change!

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are living “separate lives,” and “busy schedules” are the reason why. Keith’s busy schedule includes the near-constant straightening of his hair and a new U.S. tour, while Nicole’s schedule includes filming a movie called Lion and rewatching Going Clear on a loop while giggling maniacally. “He was hoping she might come along [on his tour], but she’s over it,” a source told OK! “She hates sleeping on a tour bus.” Can you picture Nicole Kidman sleeping on a tour bus? I’ve shut my eyes and summoned every part of my brain for the mental image, but can’t seem to find it. “404 ERROR,” screamed my neurons!

Britney Spears is going to marry a man named Charlie! I always knew Britney would marry a man with a name that sort of rhymes with “baby,” didn’t you? “Hit me Kevin one more time!” DIVORCE. “Hit me Jason one more time!” ANNULMENT. “Hit me Charlie one more time!” TRUE LOVE! Not quite as good as “Davey” or, I dunno, “Abey,” but good enough! A source says Britney “feels close to Charlie that any man she’s ever been with, and she wants to spend the rest of her life with him.” Good for you, Britney Jean!

AND ALSO:

  • Here’s a sentence that will work better than ipecac: “Justin Bieber is Leonardo DiCaprio’s new wingman.”
  • Meghan Trainor introduces herself to famous people by saying, “Hi, I’m ‘All About That Bass’ Meghan Trainor.” Same!
  • Neil Patrick Harris had a meltdown “while disciplining his 4-year-old twins” last month. I guess one of them brought up the locked briefcase.
  • Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi don’t live together anymore!!!!
  • Ryan Gosling thought he would “always be a character actor” before landing The Notebook.

Grade: F (Meghan Trainer approaches you and says, “Hi, I’m ‘All About That Bass’ Meghan Trainor.”)


inTouch

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

KIM’S HUMILIATION: DUMPED ON HER FIRST ANNIVERSARY

Kanye and Kim had a huge fight after he told her to dye her hair blonde. An insider told inTouch that Kim’s hair “was strawlike and unsalvageable…She was crying and enraged and accused him of destroying her looks…It led to one of their worst fights ever.” It’s the classic tale of a husband being like, “Bleach your hair and then dye it something very unnatural for you personally!” and the wife going, “Ugh this is a pain!” and the husband responding all, “Well guess what I’m going to be in Paris BY MYSELF on our first anniversary because you are HEREBY DUMPED!” I mean it’s basically the plot of Emily Brontë’s forgotten novel I Was Once A Brunette. Who could forget the struggles of poor Fay and her demanding husband Aldous! We’ve all been there, Kim!

Teresa Giudici is making all kinds of enemies in prison. Sources (who are either fellow inmates or big fans of Orange Is the New Black) told inTouch that she “has made some very dangerous enemies” after revealing “plans to write a tell-all book” about her experience as an inmate. “She’s documenting everything: who’s sleeping with whom, who’s been caught having sex, even little things like who’s been arguing over the flatiron.” I hope she doesn’t say anything mean about Crazy Eyes, though. I can’t bear to see her cry again after what that jerk Jason Biggs said on NPR.

Kate Gosselin to inTouch: “I miss having a man in my life.” That’s right, Kate’s still here, and she was just interviewed by inTouch. The star of Kate Plus 8 told the magazine that she wants to start dating again and that she no longer has a relationship with Jon, her ex. “Some of the kids visit [him] and some don’t. That’s for the best.” Keep on keepin’ on, Kate! She calls herself “a no-regrets kind of person.” Wanna know something she doesn’t regret? Her love for fat free Fig Newmans – her guilty pleasure. “I can eat four without blinking,” she said. “Yes, they’re fat free, but it’s sugar and carbs!” “No re-grets! No re-grets!” she presumably chants after every bite.

WRONG ANSWER:

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

AND ALSO:

  • Jennifer Westfeldt dumped her bf of 18 years, Jon Hamm, right before he checked in to rehab!
  • Rob Kardashian is “hooked on meth.”
  • Mike Molly producers want Melissa McCarthy to gain back the 50 pounds she’s lost recently.
  • Everyone LOVES fire-engine red.
  • Everyone HATES tuxedo rompers.
  • Jessica Alba went to the beach again!

Grade: C+ (The USPS gave you a Forever stamp, but they put a Macklemore lyric next to your face.)


LifeStyle

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

IT’S OFFICIAL FOR JEN: 3 MONTHS PREGNANT!

It’s the day we’ve all been praying for since 1994: Jennifer Aniston is pregnant as hell. After “the $150 million woman started getting nauseous and feeling exhausted,” a source says “Justin suggested she take a pregnancy test.” And guess what it said. YEP. It said CONGRATS JEN YOU FINALLY DID IT AND THE COUNTRY’S PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED! (Yes, it fit all of that on a little pee stick.) But don’t get too excited. Jen “thinks it’s really important that they start couples’ therapy” but Justin’s “work schedule is so hectic.” They need your prayers again, America, so get back on your knees.

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher have been trying to enjoy their newfound parenthood, but the hand that used to rock Ashton’s cradle keeps getting in the way. Demi Moore “keeps calling and sending baby gifts” and Mila wants it to stop yesterday. An insider says “Demi tried desperately for years to conceive a baby with Ashton, so she’s incredibly jealous.” And they’re not the only ones trying to get Demi out of the way! While at a Dancing with the Stars taping where their daughter Rumer was performing, Bruce Willis and his new wife Emma Heming “kept [Demi] at a distance.” Or maybe she was just embarrassed that her daughter is on Dancing with the Stars?

She may have a billion dollar brand, but Jessica Simpson’s marriage is allegedly worth about half a bitcoin. On a good day! She and husband Eric Johnson are fighting constantly, and it might have a lot to do with her Adderall use. A source says she uses it “to lose weight and stay focused, and then drinks wine and Scotch at night to help take the edge off. The result is that she’s either frantic or she needs to be poured in bed by 9. Eric is tired of it.” There is, however, an upside to Jessica’s Adderall use. She aced her finals, finished that opera she’s been writing in her spare time, vacuums seven times a day, and figured out how to power a small city using nothing but nail polish remover and the teensiest chunk of enriched uranium.

WRONG ANSWER:

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

AND ALSO:

  • Farrah Abraham wants to be a plastic surgeon when she grows up.
  • Tyga and Kylie are living together.
  • Steve Carell is having an affair with Minnie Mouse. (see Fig. 5 below)
  • Lady Gaga and Taylor Kinney are at “war” over a “$220M prenup.”
  • No one will ever be able to decide whether Kendall or Gigi is the best model.
  • Katherine McPhee pumps her own gas.
  • Everyone, including your annoying neighbor Carolyn, is wearing sheer clothes now.

Grade: D+ (You did whip-its with Demi Moore but didn’t feel anything.)


Star

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

ALL ABOUT THE ROYAL BABY

Kate Middleton is quickly nearing her April 25 due date, and Prince William can’t “wait another minute!” A source says “they’ve been showing George pictures of himself as a baby…to see how small a newborn will be.” I assume George responded as any 21-month-old would: “Ahh, thank you mummy and dad. Like grandfather always says, ‘It’s always good to have a little perspective.’” But not every royal is excited! Kate will reportedly “spend the first six weeks of her new baby’s life at her parents’ home, Bucklebury Manor,” and Prince Charles is so so so so mad. Not because his grandchild will have to live in a place called Bucklebury Manor, but because he thinks he’ll never get to visit! Imagine him pacing in front of Camila, sloshing Scotch on the rugs. “I’ll not have the child living in Bucklebury! We must get them to Highgrove!”

Jeremy Renner had better make some room in his hurt locker for a little thing called blackmail! The actor’s BFF/former roommate/co-house flipper/wink wink nudge nudge Kristoffer Winters alleges that he heard Renner’s ex-wife Sonni Pacheco “say at least five or six times…that Jeremy should be nice to her and not fight her on green card or money issues or else she would release intimate videos of him to TMZ.” Yikes! But what’s on the videos? One friend says “Jeremy sometimes wears makeup when he is not in front of the camera, and it was talked about that he sometimes likes to wear feminine clothes.” THE HORROR!

Scott Eastwood, son of Clint, might not be the next Absolut Hunk, but he’s certainly the next Sparksian Hunk. The 29-year-old star of latest Nicholas Sparks adaptation The Longest Ride was interviewed by Star and, boy howdy, is it filled with gems.

STAR: Was it easier for you to break into Hollywood because of your dad?

SCOTT: There’s no “get successful quick” miracle plan in this business. There are perks to being the son of a famous father, but you have to work twice as hard.

Twice as hard! That’s the amount of work of a normal actor sharing a house with seven other people in Los Feliz who’s trying to find someone to cover their shift so they can go audition for a Geico commercial, but DOUBLED. Whoa, that’s a lot of work, Scott!

STAR: Would you consider going ugly for a role?

SCOTT: Heck yeah! I’d happily shave my head or pack on the pounds. I don’t know about losing weight, though. I talked to Matt Damon and a bunch of other people about that and they got really sick.

As a normal child of a non-celebrity who only has to work a normal amount of hard, I also consult Matt Damon before dieting.

STAR: What type of woman turns you off?

SCOTT: I was casually dating this chick, and when she came to my house all she could talk about was money. It was so unattractive, and I remember thinking, “I don’t want you here anymore.” All that material shit is so bogus. You have all this stuff, and then what? You die and people get your car and your jeans, and what does it all mean?

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

WRONG ANSWER:

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

AND ALSO:

  • Suki Waterhouse, Bradley Cooper’s ex, might date Tom Cruise next! Cool trend, Suki!
  • Benji Madden wants wife Cameron Diaz to do more indie movies.
  • Josh Groban will sing the national anthem at the Kentucky Derby.
  • Eva Mendes is cheating on Ryan Gosling with her ex!
  • Gigi Hadid cannot quit eating burgers!!!! (See Fig. 6 below)
  • Suzanne Somers wants to be on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills more than Gigi Hadid wants another burger!!!!


Addendum

Fig. 1, inTouch

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

Fig. 2, LifeStyle

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

Fig. 3, LifeStyle

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

Fig. 4, LifeStyle

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

Fig. 5, LifeStyle

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

Fig. 6, Star

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

Fig. 7, inTouch

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever


Images via Shutterstock.


Contact the author at bobby@jezebel.com.

Life & Style: Set a pretty table

 

IM Blog Archive

 

By Leslie Linsley

Contributing Writer

 

(April 6, 2015)

Daffodil weekend is
coming but even more exciting, we are on our way to spring. While in
Key West this winter we entertained a lot and we were entertained.
It’s a social town and it’s fun to be able to eat outdoors. Even
in the summer on Nantucket it is hardly ever warm enough to have
dinner outside.

Entertaining begins
with a beautifully-set table. I love setting the table almost more
than anything else having to do with having guests for a meal. How
you set a table sets the mood. You might pick a color scheme, a
season, a holiday, or a special occasion. Or, you might just be in
the mood. Setting a table is a most satisfying creative endeavor. A
beautifully-set table, no matter how simple, makes guests feel
special.

 

Everyone appreciates
it when the hostess makes an occasion out of an invitation. It
doesn’t have to be fancy, but when you arrive at someone’s home
it should immediately feel festive.

My friends have a knack for making even a casual meal, served in the
kitchen,
seem like a special event. Best of all we do it with ease
and creativity with
readily-available and affordable “props.”
This is the key to entertaining: setting a
pretty table without
pretension and without making the guests uncomfortable.

So, the other night
I had seven friends for dinner on the deck beside the pool. This is
Key West so I set the table with palm fronds. Here’s the
step-by-step: First cover a table with a tablecloth. Then spread
large leaves, I used the palm leaves, over the table. This is easy to
do in Nantucket with large leafy spinach or kale. Put one leaf under
each plate. I used yellow plates and sprinkled artificial flower
petals over the leaves. I alternated yellow, orange and green napkins
and floral napkin rings. I love napkin rings because they quickly,
easily and inexpensively dress up a table. Just like putting on
earrings!

For the centerpiece
I used yellow and orange tulips. But on another occasion I used a
lush white orchid in a handmade pottery vase, a gift from a friend.
Into the centerpiece I stick twigs that are wired with tiny battery
operated LED lights. And lots of candles! Nothing camouflages
imperfections like candles. It’s like airbrushing everyone and
everything! As the sun goes down and dusk closes in, the glow from
the lighting changes the mood. On Nantucket it gets dark earlier than
in Key West so it is still light here late into the evening.

 

The first daffodils
are always the sweetest because they come after a very long winter. I
love a bunch of them in simple Mason jars. Yellow is a very popular
home-furnishing color this season. It makes a very strong statement
when you add a few bright yellow throw pillows to your living room.

A few years ago I
bought a worn yellow bench, much like a church pew, at Rafael Osona’s
auction. I put it in my shop for Daffodil Weekend and it became a
good prop for displaying our pillows. When I closed the shop the
bench had not sold. I put it in my living room, which prompted me to
add touches of yellow. I have a large yellow bowl I carried back from
a flea market in France one year. I fill it with artificial lemons
and limes. When I have company I put a real lemon and lime on top and
pierce them to release a citrus scent. It fools everyone!

I have some yellow
McCoy vases leftover from the shop as well and mix these with other
pottery I collect and display on a shelf. That pretty much does it
for the yellow touches. But here in Key West I helped a friend
redecorate with just a few tweaks and she added a bunch of bright
yellow pillows to black sofas. It’s smashing. And, she did a really
bold thing by painting her powder room black, then added yellow hand

towels. How great is
that?

 

For up-to-the-minute information on Nantucket’s breaking news, boat and plane cancellations, weather alerts, sports and entertainment news, deals and promotions at island businesses and more, Sign up for Inquirer and Mirror text alerts. Click Here.

This Week In Tabloids: Kim Doesn't Give a Single Fuck If Rob Dies

This Week In Tabloids: Kim Doesn't Give a Single Fuck If Rob Dies

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we call the corners (North=Star, South=OK!, East=InTouch, West=Life Style) and assume all the powers of Kris Jenner until eventually losing our minds and thinking we’re flying. This week: George and Amal are divorcing, Kim and Kylie are pregnant, Bradley and Jennifer are sending ~steamy~ texts, Kim feels indifferent, and literally every single woman on Planet Earth has a textured bob.

Seat belts, everyone.


Star

This Week In Tabloids: Kim Doesn't Give a Single Fuck If Rob Dies

KIM TO BROTHER ROB: “I DON’T CARE IF YOU DIE!”

Rob Kardashian “is in a very dark place right now” and Kim COULD. NOT. CARE. LESS. A pal says Rob “blames Kim for a lot of his problems.” And his story checks out, because Rob recently posted a photo of a blood-soaked Rosamund Pike on his Instagram feed with the caption “This is my sister Kim , the bitch from Gone Girl…” An insider claims his family “hasn’t been able to find him.” Rob is allegedly staying at a hotel named Stay, which likely adds a Who’s On First? element of confusion to this whole ordeal.

Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield are “TAKING A BREAK” after three and a half years and their long-distance relationship is apparently responsible. Andrew is making a motion picture in Taiwan and Australia, while Emma is 7,000 miles away. Presumably this means Los Angeles, though no source, pal, or insider made that clear and I haven’t checked the distance to confirm. Despite the alleged break, praise Cupid, “they aren’t ready to call it quits just yet.” Here’s to rebooting relationships AND the Spiderman series!

Taylor Swift’s friends have told her “BEWARE OF CALVIN”! They mean Harris! Calvin Harris! The “sexy Scottish DJ” who recently wrapped his arms around her at a Kenny Chesney concert! (Kenny Chesney is the opposite of a sexy Scottish DJ.) A witness says “when she danced, he’d eye her up and down.” (Both up and down like a true gentleman!!!) “It was obvious he liked what he saw!” Well you know what, WITNESS? Her friends HATED what they saw. Absolutely hated it! “He’s a huge player…he jumps from woman to woman,” claims one of her pals. Imagine that! Dating multiple people in quick succession!

WRONG ANSWER:

This Week In Tabloids: Kim Doesn't Give a Single Fuck If Rob Dies

AND ALSO:

  • Angelina Jolie is “READY FOR [BABY] NO. 7!”
  • Jennifer Garner thinks Anna Kendrick is on her way to steal her man.
  • Tyga thinks Kylie needs a butt-lift!
  • Kaley Cuoco and Ryan Sweeting’s “PDA IS MIA”
  • Rose Byrne uses a face cream with 5% shea butter, which she LOVES.

Grade: D (The valet won’t give you the car back because he doesn’t believe you’re Rita Ora)


OK!

This Week In Tabloids: Kim Doesn't Give a Single Fuck If Rob Dies

BRADLEY JENNIFER: FORBIDDEN ROMANCE

Remember Suki Waterhouse? I sure don’t. Remember Chris Martin? Who the HELL is Chris Martin?! Ever heard of two super sexy Hollywood types named Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence? Thought so. Well, they’re in L-O-V-E! L is for the way Bradley LEAVES a hotel “holding Jennifer’s dog.” O is for the OSCAR Jennifer won in the movie they both starred in. V is the VANITY FAIR party where Bradley texted Jennifer something “steamy.” E is EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS RELATIONSHIP IS SO FUNNY TO ME.

Though it started out with a Big Bang, Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting and Ryan Sweeting’s “marriage is on the rocks!” The two tied the knot in 2013 after knowing each other “for just a few months” and now Kaley is capital-O Over it! Ryan “sits around their home all day…not doing anything that will earn him money” while Kaley is out there “raking in a million dollars per episode” of her sitcom. I guess this is what happens when two people “who have nothing in common besides loving their dogs” get married.

The Kardashians have TURNED ON KIM. “She may be queen of the Kardashian empire, but the rest of the family is eager to knock Kim off her throne.” Someone call up George R.R. Martin and pitch him a new series, because Game of Kardashians could be publishing’s next big thing. Or at least bigger than Rebels: City of Indra: The Story of Lex and Livia (City of Indra #1). It already has a huge cast of characters and plenty of that power-hungry fighting and thievery Martin fans are already accustomed to. For example: Kourtney has “fired back” at Kim for “thinking she’s better than them,” Khloe has stolen Kim’s look and “officially come out of Kim’s shadow,” and Kris has suddenly decided that she “FAVORS KENDALL.” Gasp! I can almost picture one of them getting kicked out of the moon door in Kendall’s new cloud mansion. Give me Calabasas drama over Westeros drama any day of the week!

AND ALSO:

  • “Kevin is the most beautiful puppet.” – Robin Wright on directing Kevin Spacey in House of Cards
  • Casper Smart and Jennifer Lopez are back together! **Cue “I Luh Ya Papi”**
  • “Royal baby buffs are betting” that the new royal baby will be a girl.
  • Mary-Kate Olsen and Olivier Sarkozy are gonna get hitched this summer in an “impossibly chic” ceremony!

Grade: F (Your dystopian YA book FUTURE TEENS! is ranked #4,322,829,492 on Amazon)


Life Style

This Week In Tabloids: Kim Doesn't Give a Single Fuck If Rob Dies

KIM KYLIE: THEY’RE BOTH…PREGNANT DUMPED

Pregnancy and breakups must be contagious, because sources are telling Life Style that they’re both sweeping the Kardashian/Jenner family like a bad stomach flu! 17-year-old Kylie Jenner is pregnant and 25-year-old Tyga is the father. “He liked the idea of being part of the clan but not under these circumstances,” so he dumped her! Meanwhile, Kim’s pregnant again and Kanye’s putting on his running shoes, because even though he’s “been vocal about wanting another kid…he’s not so into their marriage anymore.” Looks like Tyga and Kanye are about to join the same cross country team. Stay hydrated, guys!

“Gimme your love, gimme your love, gimme your love, gimme your love,” is what I imagine Mariah Carey is singing to Brett Ratner, because sources are claiming they are “more than friends”! He’s directed “many of Mariah’s videos going back to the late 1990s” and is “one of the main constants in her life.” But enough of that hearsay. You know how I can PROVE they’re together? Because they ate “sausage pizza and jalapeño creamed corn” with Courtney Love on March 22. Everyone knows you don’t introduce your man/woman to Courtney Love unless it’s serious af.

Do you have a textured bob? Congrats! You exist. Wait, you don’t have a textured bob? Sorry! You’ve just evaporated into a puff of ugly, stinky smoke because the only people in this world who matter are the ones who are “chopping off their long mermaid locks for ‘I woke up like this’ textured bobs.” Just look at all the famous people with them! And look at all the ways you can rock them! You could “Bend It Like Emma,” “Just Add Plaits,” go for “1989 Style,” or just give it that “Sexy Sweep” that gave Julianne Hough’s textured bob a “sultry revamp.” Basically the world will feel sorry for you if your hair doesn’t look like any of the eight photographs below.

This Week In Tabloids: Kim Doesn't Give a Single Fuck If Rob Dies

WRONG ANSWER:

This Week In Tabloids: Kim Doesn't Give a Single Fuck If Rob Dies

AND ALSO:

  • Whitney Bischoff and Chris Soules will have their wedding in a barn because “Barn weddings are a big trend right now…For instance, greenery mixed with chandeliers…”
  • Patrick Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are “on Miley’s hit list.” (That was scary until the source cleared up that “hit list” means they could end up in one of her next songs.)
  • “Rihanna karaokes to her own music” because she knows how to make karaoke fun.
  • Jennifer Lopez likes when her dresses match her shoes.
  • Farrah Abraham took a photo with a meatball.

Grade: C- (You’re about to do karaoke with Joni Mitchell but then you lose your voice)


inTouch

This Week In Tabloids: Kim Doesn't Give a Single Fuck If Rob Dies

GEORGE AMAL NIGHTMARE: DIVORCE PAPERS AFTER 6 MONTHS!

The whole country is beside itself because “THE FAIRY TALE IS OVER”: George and Amal are GETTING A DIVORCE! Someone hand me another chair, because I need to sit down in a chair within a chair if I’m gonna get the stability I need to deal with this blow. But WHY are the two most beautiful married people in the world saying no to true love? Isn’t it obvious? Because Amal is a “diva.” Yes. Sources tell inTouch that Amal is a “diva” and “clingy” and “jealous” and “needy.” Meanwhile, George is “looking casual yet dashing in jeans and a tailored wool coat.”

Brandi Glanville is “SICK…of being a Housewife!” Why, you ask? In an interview, she told inTouch:

  • “It’s hard when you have cameras around making you accountable for everything.”
  • “It’s a little unfair.”
  • “It hurts sometimes.”
  • “I do not want to be Kyle’s friend ever again.”
  • “She’s not a friend.”

All good reasons for being “SICK,” Brandi, but here’s another one you might have overlooked:

This Week In Tabloids: Kim Doesn't Give a Single Fuck If Rob Dies

You think you know Ellen DeGeneres, world-famous comedian and talk show host? Well you’re probably wrong, because “The Real Ellen” has been “EXPOSED.” She’s “known for screaming matches, crazy demands and an incredible temper,” according to an Ellen show insider. “It’s almost like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The second the audience leaves, Ellen transforms.” This is all fine and good, Ellen show insider, but why the hell haven’t you bought a GoPro yet and filmed that transformation? I want to see it UP CLOSE and IN HD because it sounds ~ c o o l a s h e l l ~. Just imagine it…

You’re in the Ellen audience with your mother, laughing your butts off because Ellen is just so darned funny when she dances…and then…wait a second. Something’s not right. Is Ellen…yes…Ellen’s turning red. And she’s…is she? Could she? Oh my god. She’s getting bigger! Not just bigger. Taller. Wider. She’s four times her original size now! And she’s growing horns and fangs and a tail and…oh my god…her breasts are on fire! WAIT, now her whole body is on fire and she’s screaming something in what you think is Latin but you’re too scared to check with your phone. “DAMN YOU, PORTIA!” she screams in an unholy voice before turning her bright red eyes to you and your mother…then, suddenly—

See what I’m saying, Ellen show insider? This sounds INCREDIBLE, and you’re doing a disservice to the entire world for not filming it.

WRONG ANSWER:

This Week In Tabloids: Kim Doesn't Give a Single Fuck If Rob Dies

AND ALSO:

  • Britney Spears is currently reading The Longest Ride.
  • Chrissy Teigen put her arm around John Legend’s shoulder because they are in love.
  • Jessica Simpson “is a mess.”
  • Mariah Carey wants to be on Empire.
  • Taylor Swift is six degrees from Jocelyn Wildenstein.
  • “Celebs are Contour-Obsessed!”

Grade: B+ (The restaurant doesn’t have gluten-free pasta but at least the host seated you next to Taraji’s table)


Addendum

This Week In Tabloids: Kim Doesn't Give a Single Fuck If Rob Dies

Fig. 1, inTouch

This Week In Tabloids: Kim Doesn't Give a Single Fuck If Rob Dies

Fig. 2, inTouch

This Week In Tabloids: Kim Doesn't Give a Single Fuck If Rob Dies

Fig. 3, Life Style

This Week In Tabloids: Kim Doesn't Give a Single Fuck If Rob Dies

Fig. 4, OK


Contact the author at bobby@jezebel.com.

Kylie Jenner Pregnant With Tyga’s Baby? How Kim Kardashian Supposedly Reacted: Report [PHOTO]

Kylie Jenner and Kim Kardashian are pregnant at the same time — at least that’s what the recent cover of Life Style claims. Jenner has long been rumored to be dating rapper Tyga despite a major age gap.

The April 13th edition of the magazine claims “Kim Kylie: They’re Both Pregnant and Dumped!” Underneath Kardashian’s picture, it says, “It’s a boy! Kim gets the news days after he final fight with Kanye.” Under Jenner’s picture, it reads, “Alone and scared, Kylie makes the most shocking decision of her life.”

Though Kardashian, 34, has been having sex with husband Kanye West, 37, “500 times a day” to get pregnant, she didn’t think it would happen the same time as Jenner, 17. “Kim never imagined Kylie would start a family so soon,” a source told the magazine, according to Hollywood Life. “She can’t believe they’re pregnant at the same time.”

Despite her age, Jenner wants to keep the baby. “The idea of having [Tyga’s] baby only made Kylie feel more attached to him,” a different source told Life Style, via Hollywood Life. “Kylie is insisting on keeping it.”

But her family members aren’t happy about it. Mom Kris is “irate,” sister Kendall thinks she’s “throwing her life away” and father Bruce is “beside himself.” In fact, “The whole family is shocked,” the insider said.

There’s also another person who is shocked: Tyga, 25. The rapper supposedly broke up with the “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” reality star because things got “too serious.” The teen is “devastated” over the breakup and “never saw the end coming.”

Design Trend wondered if Tyga would reconcile with Blac Chyna, his ex-girlfriend and the mother of their 2-year-old child, King Cairo. Jenner and Blac Chyna have reportedly feuded on social media since rumors emerged that she and Tyga were intimate.

Follow me on Twitter @mariamzzarella

Life & Style: Chickens

 

IM Blog Archive

 

By Leslie Linsley

Contributing Writer

 

(March 29, 2015)

If you’ve ever
read anything about Key West you know about the chickens! Yes they
have the run of the place. One gets used to them crossing the road.
They run around Blue Heaven, a touristy restaurant that thinks this
is a cute public-relations idea. It is not. But I like the
chickens. Just not running under my feet, pecking away at crumbs
dropped under the table on the restaurant patio. I do not go there.
Once was enough. But chickens are part of the scenery here and their
image is on everything. There are paintings in galleries, statues of
chickens for the garden, chickens on T-shirts and even chickens on a
sponge. There was a chicken store with real chickens roaming about.
They sold all kinds of tourist stuff with chicken images. It’s kind
of like “when in Nantucket you buy Nantucket Reds” even if you
never, ever wear them once you are back in Omaha. I actually bought a
cap one year with an embroidered “chicken girl” on the front.

One year the town
hired a “chicken catcher” and paid $50 per chicken to take them
to a “chicken farm.” That did not last long. The chickens
multiply faster than the chicken-catcher can catch them.

 

After one is in Key
West for a fair amount of time it’s easy to embrace the image. I
find myself attracted to dishtowels with chickens on the front. I
bought a bunch of dishrag/sponges, the kind that are flat and feel
like cardboard until you soak them and they expand. They have a
stylized chicken drawing on the front. I give them to friends when I
go to dinner.

 

I have a favorite
store here called Cottage Garden. It is filled with great “gotta
have, do not need” items. They have a metal sculpture of a chicken.
It is yellow and aged, even though it isn’t old. It is rusted as if
it had aged naturally. It’s on a stand. I see it in my Nantucket
garden. It has been in the store all winter. They must have lots of
them. I have resisted buying it because I am almost sure that when I
get it home it will look ridiculous in my Nantucket garden.
None-the-less, I have to have it.

 

 

 

The other day I was
walking down my street into town. There nestled in the brown fallen
leaves at the base of a gnarled tree was a chicken surrounded by a
dozen baby chicks. You could barely see them as they blended in with
the ground cover right at the edge of the sidewalk. There you go.
Twelve new chickens for one measly chicken-catcher. How could he
possibly keep up?

 

Herons walk
freely down the middle of the road right along with the chickens.
Iguanas slither along. All the wildlife seems to coexist with the
humans putting a bit of a humorous spin on life. Can you imagine dozens of chickens, egrets, herons and slithering
green things that look positively prehistoric making their way down
our cobblestoned Main Street?

 

 

Best of all, people here, both
islanders and visitors, seem to take it all in stride. Tiny lizards
skitter over the tiles on my living-room floor. If this were
Nantucket I’d be freaking out. If I tripped over a family of
chickens on my front path in Nantucket I’d be slightly unhinged.
But then, because they outnumber the people, in some strange way, the
chickens and other wildlife make life less serious. It’s hard to
get worked up about little bothersome things when the background
“music” is constant cackling and crowing. After all, they’re
probably only complaining about us mucking up their space.

 

For up-to-the-minute information on Nantucket’s breaking news, boat and plane cancellations, weather alerts, sports and entertainment news, deals and promotions at island businesses and more, Sign up for Inquirer and Mirror text alerts. Click Here.

Was Joe Giudice Banned From Visiting Teresa Behind Bars?

Joe Giudice is reportedly no longer welcome at the federal correctional facility in Danbury, Connecticut. According to a new report, Teresa is fed up with her alleged cheater husband and doesn’t want him to visit her behind bars.

On March 26, a source told Life Style via Radar Online that Joe Giudice was no longer traveling to visit his Real Housewives of New Jersey wife.

“Teresa said that Joe is not visiting her anymore, for the rest of her sentence. So her mom will have to bring her four girls to see her.”

In recent weeks, Joe Giudice visited his wife a number of times, and on occasion, also brought their four daughters. Unfortunately as the source told Life Style, it will now be up to Teresa’s mother to transport her girls to Connecticut from New Jersey.

Joe Giudice and his wife attended a sentencing hearing in October of last year, where they both received prison time for crimes of bank and wire fraud. Teresa was sentenced to a 15-month term while husband Joe Giudice received 41 months.

Although they both received time, the judge on their case allowed Teresa and Joe Giudice to serve their time separately, meaning Teresa would turn herself in first, and after her sentence was complete, Joe Giudice would serve his term.

As the Inquisitr previously reported, Joe Giudice was accused of cheating on wife Teresa earlier this month. In an In Touch Weekly publication via All About The Tea, it was alleged Joe Giudice had engaged in an affair with a 30-year-old Atlantic City model named Jamie Jackson.

In an interview with Us Weekly, Joe Giudice denied the allegations.

“I did not flirt with her. I did not make out with her, nothing happened between us. Everything InTouch is saying that happened between us are lies.”

Joe Giudice’s alleged mistress also spoke out, denying having slept with the married father of four.

“I definitely never slept with him… Nothing happened with me and Joe, I didn’t know him prior, nothing inappropriate happened at any time. We did not hook up, kiss, or anything more. I saw him at the two business meals and nothing more, it’s all made up bulls—.”

Although Joe Giudice denies having engaged in any inappropriate behavior, In Touch Weekly claims to have more incriminating photos and a secret video of the reality star.

Joe Giudice will begin his 41-month prison term in early 2016.

[Photo via Twitter]

Scott Disick Addicted To Cocaine? Kourtney Kardashian's Breakup With Longtime Boyfriend: Report

Scott Disick’s alleged addiction to cocaine has led to a split with longtime girlfriend Kourtney Kardashian, the cover of Life Style magazine claims. The couple has had a tumultuous relationship through their seven years together and despite having three children together, they’re ready to call it quits, according to the magazine.

The reality couple is on the cover of Life Style’s latest issue for its “world exclusive.” The headline reads: “Addicted to Cocaine! Inside Kourtney and Scott’s Nasty Breakup.” The cover makes three claims: There’s a $50 million fight over her fortune, their children are caught in the middle of their breakup and there’s been cheating and an overdose. Disick’s lies have been “exposed,” the magazine claims.

Since the death of his parents over a year ago, Disick has neglected Kardashian and his children, Celeb Dirty Laundry wrote. The reality star announced he briefly left them to go to rehab, but reports surfaced days later that he had left the Costa Rica facility.

He also has been plagued by rumors that he got Kardashian’s half sister Kendall Jenner pregnant and proposed to her. No one in the Kardashian-Jenner brood acknowledged the story. 

There also is concern in the family about younger brother Rob Kardashian. Since gaining nearly 50 pounds, the Arthur George sock designer is rarely spotted in public. He seemed to take a hiatus from social media, except when he posted a graphic picture this week of Rosamund Pike from “Gone Girl” and compared her to his sister Kim.

Some have denied there’s a family feud brewing and claimed Rob just has a weird sense of humor, while others have said the only Kardashian brother is depressed. His sister Khloe recently said he wasn’t in the best place.

For all the latest Kardashian drama, check out Season 10 of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” on E! every Sunday at 9 p.m. EDT.

Follow me on Twitter @mariamzzarella 

Kaley Cuoco and Ryan Sweeting Having 'Fight Over Baby'?








© Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP
Kaley Cuoco and Ryan Sweeting Having ‘Fight Over Baby’?

Kaley Cuoco and Ryan Sweeting are not at odds over whether to have a baby, despite a new Life Style report claiming “the honeymoon is definitely over” for the couple, a little more than a year after they married. Gossip Cop can bust the story.

“They have been constantly fighting and at each other’s throats,” a so-called “insider” tells the outlet, explaining, “Kaley really wants a baby right now, but Ryan isn’t ready to be a dad.” The Life Style source adds, “He’s been pushing it off for a while now. And he recently told Kaley that he’s not sure he wants to have kids any time soon!”

The outlet says the baby argument has led to “escalated tensions” between the two. “It’s been a rough couple of months,” claims the tabloid’s source. “She wants kids soon, so this could be a deal breaker for Kaley. If Ryan doesn’t change his mind, they’ll probably get divorced.”

Hmm. Could it be that Life Style is still miffed its April 2014 report claiming Cuoco was “having second thoughts” about marrying Sweeting turned out to be completely wrong? Regardless, this new story is just as off base. A source close to the actress tells Gossip Cop exclusively it’s “ridiculous and completely fabricated.”